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"Do you think they call him Dick?"
I had a bad feeling about the direction of this new line of
questioning. "I don't know. What's it matter?"
"Dick's daughter. That's what I am. Dick's daughter. How do
you like that?" Her unhinged laughter shook me.
"Don't do this," I said softly.
"I'm a young Dick. A Dick-ling. Like a yearling or a duckling."
"I'm a young Dick. A Dick-ling. Like a yearling or a duckling."
I moved from the bed, knelt in front of her, and gripped both her
hands in mine. "Don't rip yourself apart like this. You're not a
part of him. You never have been, and you never will be. You're
a beautiful, gentle woman, and he's a horrible, brutal animal.
Don't let him in. Don't let him take any more of your life than he
already has. Please, God, don't do this."
When her stony stare didn't waver, I crumpled to the floor and
started to cry.
"You can't let him win, Destiny," I said, shaking my head slowly
from side to side. "You can't let him win," I repeated, each time
my plea becoming fainter.
A long time after I stopped making sound, Destiny whispered
"I'm sorry for what I said about you having issues with your
father, Kris. Sometimes I forget how hard this is on you."
I shrugged my shoulders dismissively.
"Do you think we had our first fight today?"
"Probably."
"At least we got it over with," she said, her gaiety forced. "Can I
ask you something?"
I shot her a sidelong glance. "What?"
"When you were growing up, were your parents your enemies?
Am I sometimes your enemy? Is that why you yelled those things
about my mom's rape?"
"Maybe."
"Is that why you close down so fast?"
"I don't know," I said, defeated.
"Even though we come from terrible parents, do you think there's
hope for us  for you and me?"
"As a couple?"
She nodded.
I smiled lopsidedly. "I guess. Do you?"
"If I say 'yes,' will you hop in bed with me? I'm freezing out
here!" To emphasize her point, she shook her hands and feet.
I smiled and, as a gesture of good faith, jumped under the
covers.
She joined me, and we huddled, she in her bathrobe and I fully
clothed, including my jacket. She scooted her pillow next to
mine, and we lay with our faces inches apart.
"I don't know if there's hope, Kris," she said deliberately, "but I
know that I've never before wanted to try as hard."
"That's a good sign." Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to echo
her commitment.
"God, am I tired. This has been the longest day of my life. I feel
like today's already tomorrow." She yawned.
I looked at my watch. "Not yet. It's only about ten o'clock."
"Feels like later," she said groggily. She tucked the covers under
her chin. Between three more canyon-like yawns, she added,
"Sorry I'm such a party pooper. I had a lot more to say earlier,
but now I'm too tired."
"Don't worry about it."
"You're the nicest person I ever met."
"Shh, go to sleep."
"But it's too early," she feebly protested, her eyes closed.
"But it's too early," she feebly protested, her eyes closed.
"No, it's not. It's the exact right time."
She slurred the last words she spoke that night. "Don't leave,
Kris."
"I won't," I murmured, my eyes filling with tears.
I fell asleep listening to the steady sound of Destiny's breathing.
Sometime in the night, I had a disorienting dream.
I am twelve years old, and my sister Jill is five. We are
messing around in our basement bedroom. I practice making
the bed  with Jill in it lying spread-eagle. I cover her up,
first with the sheet, then with the blanket, and finally with
the comforter. I neatly tuck in all the sides, just as our
mother has taught us, and then bust up laughing. She jumps
up and makes the bed with me in it. We take turns at this
until we are bored.
Next, Jill stands on her twin bed and acts like a tree. I
pretend to chop her down. After she falls, I pick her up like a
log and carry her to my bed. When I try to drop her onto the
mattress, she holds on and will not let go.
In the middle of our hug, she wants to kiss. I tell her that this
is wrong  that we should just hug.
I hold her tight for a long time.
I awoke to Destiny kissing me on the forehead. I rubbed my
eyes and tried to focus on her, which was hard to do without
glasses. From what I could see, she was dressed professionally:
tailored tan pants, pink button-down shirt, matching socks, and
polished loafers.
"Hey, hi," I said sleepily.
"Hey, hi," I said sleepily.
"Hi. Sorry I woke you."
"Where you going?"
"To the conference. Remember  that's why I'm up here."
"Oh, yeah." The events of the previous day were coming back.
She sat on the edge of the bed next to me. "How'd you ever get
to sleep in those clothes?"
"Who knows? I was more tired than I thought, I guess. When
will you be done working?"
"Not until after four. Want to stay up here today and give me a
ride back?"
"Sure. But how will you get your car home?"
"I'll ask someone to drive it back to Denver. I still feel a little
shaky about what happened yesterday. I'd feel better riding with
you, if that's okay. You could hang out here at the condo or you
could walk around town or something."
"I'll be fine. I'd love to give you a ride home."
"Good. If you decide to go out, there's an extra key on the
kitchen table." She patted my cheek and stood. "I'll see you later
today."
"Good luck with your talk."
"Thanks." She left the bedroom but, a second later, popped her
head back through the doorway. "Thanks again for coming up,
Kris. I really didn't want to be alone last night."
"Anytime." I smiled.
After I heard the front door slam, I hopped up, took off all my
clothes, and jumped under the covers. Nestled on Destiny's side
of the bed, I slept for three more hours.
of the bed, I slept for three more hours.
Noon was long gone by the time I dressed in the mismatched
outfit I had thrown in a bag the night before: purple shorts, blue
sweats, red polo shirt, Vail sweatshirt, and tennis shoes.
I went downstairs to the kitchen and scrounged around until I
had assembled a passable meal of peanut butter and jelly, potato
chips, and Hi-C. I took my lunch out onto the balcony off the
living room.
I settled into a heavy, black wrought-iron chair. From two
stories up, I watched the shoppers pass and listened to the hum
of nearby Gore Creek as the sun warmed my legs.
It didn't get much better than this!
Some people disparagingly call Vail an "interstate town" because
it runs parallel to a divided highway, but to me it meant much
more than that. Most of its appeal came from the world-class
skiing, but I had always been more attracted to its hundreds of
restaurants and shops.
Bolstered by energy from a full stomach, I ventured out in search
of a sports shop. I crossed a covered bridge and walked on
cobblestone streets (all built after the 1960s) before I found one
that would rent a bike for the reasonable off-season price of nine
dollars, helmet and water bottle included.
I picked up the bike path in the center of Vail and followed it
past the golf course to East Vail. After riding about five miles, I
hopped off the bike, shed my sweats, and sat next to a creek
cascading down the side of Vail Mountain.
There, I contemplated the events of the past few weeks and
There, I contemplated the events of the past few weeks and
thought about the summer before when my younger sister Jill and
I had ridden our mountain bikes over Vail Pass.
For months, I had trained for the ride, but even at that, I almost
failed to make it to the top. Jill, who was living in Vail for the
summer, was acclimated to steep climbs and high altitude, but I [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]