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latest film  usually in that order.
'Gran!' I said sternly. 'Did you give Ibb that magazine?'
'Well !'
'You know how impressionable Generics can be! Why didn't you give it a
magazine with Jenny Gudgeon in it? She plays proper women and can act, too.'
'Have you seen Ms Vavoom in
My Sister Kept Geese
!?' replied Gran indignantly. 'I think you'd be surprised  she shows
considerable range.'
I thought about Cordelia Flakk and her producer friend Harry Flex wanting Lola
to play me in a film. The idea was too awful to contemplate.
'You were going to tell us about subtext,' said Obb, helping itself to more
salad.
'Oh, yes,' I replied, a distraction from Vavoom a welcome break. 'Subtext is
the implied action behind the written word. Text tells the reader what the
characters say and do but subtext tells us what they mean and feel
. The wonderful thing about subtext is that it is common grammar, written in
human experience  you can't understand it without a good working knowledge of
people and how they interact. Got it?'
Ibb and Obb looked at one another.
'No.'
'Okay, let me give you a simple example. At a party, a man gives a woman a
drink and she takes it
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Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots without answering.
What's going on?'
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'She isn't very polite?' suggested Ibb.
'Perhaps,' I replied, 'but I was really looking for some sort of clue as to
their relationship.'
Obb scratched its head and said: 'She can't speak because  er  she lost her
tongue in an industrial accident owing to his negligence?'
'You're trying too hard. For what reason would someone not necessarily say
"thank you" for something?'
'Because,' said Ibb slowly, 'they know one another?'
'Good. Being handed a drink at a party by your wife, husband, girlfriend or
partner, you would as likely as not just take it; if it was from a host to a
guest, then you would thank them. Here's another: there is a couple walking
down the road  and she is walking eight paces behind him.'
'He has longer legs?' suggested Ibb.
'No.'
'They've broken down?'
'They've had an argument,' said Obb excitedly, 'and they live near by or they
would be taking their car.'
'Could be,' I responded. 'Subtext tells you lots of things. Ibb, did you take
the last piece of chocolate from the fridge?'
There was a pause.
'No.'
'Well, because you paused I know pretty confidently that you did.'
'Oh!' said Ibb. 'I'll remember that
.'
There was a knock at the door.
I opened it to reveal Mary's ex-beau Arnold looking very dapper in a suit and
holding a small bunch of flowers. Before he had time to open his mouth I had
closed the door again.
'Ah!' I said, turning to Ibb and Obb. 'This is a good opportunity to study
subtext. See if you can figure out what is going on behind our words  and
Ibb, please don't feed Pickwick at the table.'
I opened the door again and Arnold, who had started to slink off, came running
back.
'Oh!' he said with mock surprise. 'Mary not back yet?'
'No,' I replied. 'In fact, she probably won't be back for some time. Can I
take a message?'
And I closed the door on him again.
'Okay,' I said to Ibb and Obb. 'What do you think is going on?'
'He's looking for Mary?' suggested Ibb.
'But he knows she's gone away,' said Obb. 'He must be coming to speak to you
, Thursday.'
'Why?'
'For a date?'
'Good. What am I saying to him?'
Ibb and Obb thought hard.
'If you didn't want to see him you'd have told him to go away, so you might be
the tiniest bit interested.'
'Excellent!' I told them. 'Let's see what happens next.'
I opened the door again to a confused-looking Arnold, who broke into a wide
smile.
'Well,' he said, 'no message for Mary. It's just  we had planned to see
Willow Lodge and the Limes this evening & '
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Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
I turned to Ibb and Obb, who shook their heads. They didn't believe it either.
'Well & ' said Arnold slowly. '& perhaps you might like to come with me to the
concert?'
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I shut the door again.
'He pretended to have the idea about going to see Willow Lodge tonight,' said
Ibb slowly and more confidently, 'when in fact I think he had it planned all
along that way. I think he fancies you big time.'
I opened the door again.
'I'm sorry, no,' I told him hastily. 'Happily married.'
'It's not a date,' exclaimed Arnold quickly, just a lift to a concert. Here,
take the ticket anyway. I've no one else to give it to; if you don't want to
go, just bin it.'
I shut the door again.
'Ibb's wrong,' said Obb. 'He really fancies you, but he's blown it by being
too desperate  it would be hard for you to respect someone who would almost
start begging.'
'Not bad,' I replied. 'Let's see how it turns out.'
I opened the door again and stared into Arnold's earnest eyes.
'You miss her, don't you?'
'Miss who?' asked Arnold, seemingly nonchalant.
'Denial of love!' yelled Ibb and Obb from behind me. 'He doesn't really fancy
you at all  he's in love with
Mary and wants a date on the rebound!'
Arnold looked suspicious.
'What's going on?'
'Subtext classes,' I explained. 'Sorry for being rude. Do you want to come in
for a coffee?'
'Well, I should be going really '
'Playing hard to get!' hooted Ibb, and Obb added quickly: 'The balance of
power has tipped in his favour because you've been rude to him with all that
door nonsense, and now you're going to have to insist that he comes in for
coffee, even if that means being nicer to him than you originally intended!'
'Are they always like this?' enquired Arnold, stepping inside.
'They learn fast,' I observed. 'That's Ibb and that's Obb. Ibb and Obb, this
is Arnold.' [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]